(preferably small).

as cliché as it may very well be, home ownership is my very own american dream. the importance of housing resonates innately within me. in fact, it is so important that witnessing the lack of housing and the prevalence of homelessness in richmond led me social work and away from studying theater (phew!)

last week, my husband and i finally summoned the courage to contact a loan officer and a real estate agent. i think i have just been afraid of their power to crush our dreams: “sorry, your credit sucks.” or “you thought you would qualify for WHAT?” however, it was pretty much the opposite and we were so pleased to find that we would qualify for the range we had been searching over the past year.

here’s where it gets complicated. now that the possibility is before me i am equally excited and terrified. i have the blog bookmarks, magazines, and photos saved in my “Decor” folder on my desktop to prove i’ve only been thinking about this for, well, FOREVER. yet somehow i’ve started to feel this overwhelming sense of having to find my dream house now (while all the while i know that is entirely unrealistic). i mean, why can’t i have my craftsman house with all the details i have poured over the past 10 years.   oh yeah, i’m a first time home buyer, ha!

looking at houses for the first time last week certainly allowed me to narrow down our options and at least give me a beginning sense of what makes the cut and what is out project runway style. but since, i have been dreaming of updates to my our beginner house a little slice of my dream house. we shall see! round two on tuesday!

 Happy Easter!

  INSIDE

hope you enjoy these quirky, kitchy, whimsical items as much as i do! some are thrift store finds or antique store finds, some gifts, and others are passed down from our grandparents.

KITCHEN 

orange colander (Marshall’s), ikea napkins, teapot (target), cross stiched citrus fruits and 3-D mushrooms (fantastic thrift), 1970s flower power cheese platter

various bird pictures, beer stein from Germany (thanks dad!), grimmy figure i’ve had since i was 10 (“i’m not a morning person”), seductive picture of woman and man (thanks stephanie!), serving tray from Mikasa Mexicana by Ben Seibel (california thrift store), the piles of sunglasses on polka dot tray (target)

above the sink: painted pierre and sugar tiles (by lisa!!), crosstiched kitty (fantastic thrift), virgin of Guadalupe, decoupaged plate with redneck pin-up

plastic flowers (antique store in fredericksburg)

over the trashcan (gotta make dirty look pretty!): vintage apron (halcyon vintage), floral still life (fantastic thrift)

needle-pointed floral, paint-by-number puppy

LIVING ROOM

elephant plant stands (passed down from gibson’s g-grandma), various collections 

hand painted velvet pin-up with wormwood frame (orange, ca antique shop)

pierre picture (painted by me in 2002, ha!), tiki figure from hawaii (thanks pearl and tom), various coffee table books, glass vase (from my grandmother), owl lantern (urban o.), flower power recipe box (fantastic thrift), odd shaped end table (from my dad, found at the navy exchange)

wood hanging (was gibson’s grandfathers)

the lenten season has begun. it took me sometime to figure what was something difficult for me to give up. i kept thinking coffee, but wasn’t confident in that. it hit me yesterday, on ash wednesday, that i should give up wine. later i ammended that to be “no alcohol.”  well, you can thank gibson for breakin’ me already. watching him crack open a cold beer for dinner, i felt like i was being tortured. i know, i made the concious decision to imbibe and give in, but “dang” him for putting it RIGHT in front of me so instead, i am doing my best to refrain from using “foul language.”

i do have quite humorous story about ash wednesday: one of my residents (a middle-aged woman who had resulting severe brain damage from a car accident) is so funny without intended to be so. there were volunteers from a local church to lead the ash wednesday ceremony and all residents and staff who wanted to participate could. the aforementioned resident has already had the blessing as was made clear by the ashen cross on her forehead. however, while others were receiving their ashes the resident continued to call out, “give me ash wednesday. give me ash wednesday.” one of my co-workers was quick to remind her she already had her ashes to which she replied, “oh, yeah.” within the 10 seconds or less it took my co-worker to step away a few feet, the lady continued to ask for her “ash wednesday.” it was precious…

other news, i’ve become an etsy addict!!! i easily browse the site looking at all the lovely handmade goodies and amazing finds (one’s i wish i came across myself!) for HOURS…. and i keep looking for a gift or gift idea for the lovely lisa jobe-shields, but i keep finding things i want for myself too! hardly being a good friend now is that?

and perhaps the most important news: i’m an aunt! well, not an official one, but certainly accepted by gibson’s family as official. last week gibson’s sister jess gave birth to her baby girl, taylor ashlynne. he is so excited to be an uncle…i was lucky to be able to fly over on a quick whim thursday night with our frequent flyer miles. at first, i was overwhelmed by the hospital and the pain that his sister very clearly was in from the c-section that had to be performed. needless to say i was tired/crabby/freaked out and therefore proceeded to inform gibson i was never having a baby and if he wanted one, he could give birth toit himself. really, i am such a loverly person when lacking well-needed sleep

 in other news, well, there is no news! <3

at last!!! at last!!! 

ahh!!! i stumbled across it tonight at last! the “maya” gown by Michelle Roth is the dress that i have been looking for!

a very delayed little post… gibson and i are engaged!!

my 25th birthday turned into be such an amazing day! first, i was surprised with a birthday party at a roller rink!!! i was thrilled to see our friends and best of all, the second surprise, my sister! gibson, the sneaky little devil he was that day, had flown my sister out with his frequent flyer miles. we all had a blast, skated for hours! just when i thought the fun was over, gibson told me that after cake we’d get to skate one more go’ round.

after we finished cake, gibson asked me to come skate with him. everyone else was sitting at the table and i remember thinking to myself  that they were all missing out on some serious skating.  as we approached the rink, “God Only Knows,” by The Beach Boys began playing. I was overcome by the romantic notion. We circled round and round the rink to our song when Gibson stated he needed to fix his skate. As I turned back to him as he was bending to fix his skate, I realized that he was down on one knee and fumbling with his pocket – not his skate! In a state of total surprise, I blurted out, “No way!!” Gibson was laughing and had to get on both knees to get the ring box out of his pocket. He opened the box, looked me in the eyes, and asked me to marry him!!! I started tearing up and said yes over and over again. And perhaps the best part, was that some of our closest friends and my sister were there to share in the joy with us!

since december 8th, we have been brainstorming our wedding plans. while home for the holiday, we checked out maymont gardens and plant zero. we’re set on the reception at plant zero, but are still unsure about the ceremony location. of course, i have been wedding, wedding, wedding everything. in fact, i haven’t been blogging as i’m so busy reading everyone else’s wedding blogs and getting ideas!!!!!! i’ll share some of my finds in my next blog!

<3

as much as i’d like to think i’m moving ahead with the world around me, it’s starting to feel like its escaped my reach…i know where i want to be in life and essentially i know what it’s going to take to get me there, but its so – hard.  my creativity feels stifled. i’m struggling with the stress of living across the country from people i love and who i feel encourage my expression. while i have met people here, most have turned to be unreliable and without much depth. for those who aren’t, everyone seems to have their own lives these days…

for a person who loves to dwell in the past, but is trying not to… i’m not doing a very good job of it. i’m not happy with the present situation, so i find myself dwelling in the past and envisioning the future.. so much for my attempt to live in the now theory.

don’t confuse this with unhappiness. i’m actually, very happy in the sense that i am sharing my life with the man i love and we have goals set for – our – future. it’s just the getting there that is causing me such frustration.

a 2nd thought today: i was perusing friend’s blogs/etc and felt overcome with sadness that i don’t “know” some of them anymore. some are of course supposed to be estranged from me in a sense, but i can’t help wish i was a part of their life… especially those that seem to have everything they want. i struggle with feelings of jealousy. an emotion that i try to overcome. though i am happy for them, i wish i was seeing my dreams unfold before me as theirs are…

so then the question becomes, how can i make it happen? financially, i’m spread so thin. it enrages me to no end that i didn’t think enough when i made a decision to be a social worker that money would really be an obstacle. i mean, there is just NO pay in what i do. when i was younger, i thought and proclaimed eagerly that i didn’t care about money. well, now that money is the reason i can’t do the things i want to do, my perspective is somewhat changed….

i had this lengthy discussion with my mom last week about where i want to be in five years and how am i going to make it happen. i’ve been consumed with this notion and somewhat frightened that 5 years really isn’t long. i always felt i wanted children young, but now i don’t see how that’s possible. reality check anyone?

thoughts? suggestions?

not much has changed since my last entries, other than that i am a month away (today) from turning 25. kinda scary, but really only because i always thought i’d be somewhere different from where i am now. only 2-3 years ago 25 sounded middle-aged and i thought i’d be married and be making a baby… well here it is, my quarter of a century birthday on the threshold and now those “big dreams” seem so misplaced.

i’ve been motivated lately while gibson has been out of town. did i mention he is in town only 11 days this month? yeah…. i managed to clean the apartment to tip top shape, consolidate my credit cards, pay my bills, work on my grad school application, organize my photo albums, get my phone fixed, go to the library, return various items that have been needed to be returned, and also wrote some letters to family/friends.

i’m still fixated on ways to lose weight, but haven’t really done anything about it… i occasionally dream of starving myself 25 pounds lighter, but i just love food and beer too much. speaking of, tonight was the first night i’d had beer in a week. i’m trying to make it a “special” occasion instead of an every night occasion…whatever that says about me, i don’t know. but considering alcoholism has a nasty streak in the bloodline, i ought to be more careful.

anyways, i went to the boys softball game even though gibson wasn’t in town – gotta support the team!! it was strange not to be shouting ” yeah babe, good job babe” – but fun all the same. afterwards, i joined the boys for pizza/beer at lampost. josh and i shared a cheese pizza/pitcher of newcastle. which is why i’m slightly intoxicated at the moment. i blabbed to the guys that part of the reason i think gibson and i decided to stay in california for a while is because we love them so much… i think the feeling is mutual.

i’m really looking forward to christmas and being with my family…. i made some sappy bulletin on myspace last night when i had a moment of feeling sorry for myself. i just realized how much i miss my mom. i talked to her for an hour or so tonight. she just got back to fredericksburg from visiting my dad in frankfurt, germany. they went to paris for 2 days…we couldn’t stop talking about it. i’ve been dreaming of taking a trip to visit my dad and see europe – but there’s not money or time for it…fuck.

umm… i haven’t quit my job as promised. i realized i need to stick it out til i go back to school. kinda sucks, but i’m trying to be positive and make the most out of it. meanwhile, families continue to yell at me and treat me like i’m the one responsible for their loved ones advanced age and their health… gotta love it. you choose a career to give back to others and instead they look at you with disdain.

ok, enough about that… i need to get some sleep. shugar is sitting on the armrest of the couch next to me and breathing in my ear! ha! she has been snuggling with me all week under the covers. she’s my little angel. pierre too of course… now only if he’d stop destroying the carpet………..

january 8, 1935

I haven’t posted in over 3 weeks due to the following:

a. lazy

by the time i get home from work, i hardly want to touch the computer. let’s face it, i veg out in front of a movie, cuddle in bed with the boo, and drink a glass of wine (or two).

b. busy

i usually have some down time at work to write, but it has been crunch time around Oakley. but! tomorrow is my last day! i start tuesday as an official social worker at a nursing home in laguna hills, which is only 5-8 miles from Oakley. i am beyond ready to start.

c. birthdays

with both my and gibson’s birthday this past month (dear God, we’re getting old) there has been so much going on.

thursday (7th) i went out to dinner at Zipangu with my girlfriends from work + bff ashley for sushi and cocktails. we really racked up a bill: $300!!!

friday (8th) was my official birthday. gibson and i took the day off of work and i had my interview that afternoon for the job that i now have!!! i guess it was a good-luck-birthday-interview. we had lunch at Mother’s Market (which has perhaps the best veg cafe ever), relaxed at home for a bit, and i was then surprised with dinner in Dana Point at Luciana’s Ristorante (open since 1930′s). i felt like i was back home at Can-Can with my 2nd family. the owner gave us special attention and presented four Italian wines for me to choose from based on the description of what i typically like in French wines. que bella! i ran into the hostess in the bathroom we chatted for a moment and i mentioned that it was my birthday – little did i expect – 5 minutes later there is a birthday desert brought to my table! i don’t think i could stop smiling that night…the rest of the weekend, we took it easy. went to the $2 theatre saw: running with scissors and had golden spoon!!

thursday (21st) was gibson’s 26th! ashley and evan met us at dave&busters after work. while the boys played games, we gals drank some beer and did some serious damage to zombies on house of dead 3. saturday (23rd) i had an afternoon planned in chinatown. it wasn’t as big as i thought, but we had spring rolls at the cutest vietnamese cafe and then went to munkey king to pick up gibson’s present (the ningyo tokidoki edition). i had been trying to get it for him all week, but only 500 were made and they were sold out everywhere. i called the store so many times the previous week that i became friends with the guy who worked there, john. i introduced myself saturday and joked that he was my new best friend now. he laughed, said we were and came around and gave me a hug. i love the hell out of that store.

d. christmas

my first christmas tree was beautiful. i had some nice new ornaments from miss jobe and momma jobe!! 98% of the ornaments are pink!! i won’t deny that it was strange to be away from home for the holiday. andy williams “no place like home for the holidays” got me misty eyed every time. i missed my mom’s cookies and going to christmas mass with my family. i wanted to go to midnight mass on christmas eve, but it seemed to sad to go by myself.  gibson and i opened our presents christmas morning: gibson got me the tokidoki purse i wanted!!!! an elvis clock (with swinging legs), an owl lamp, and an owl stitch kit. my family got us this cool digital picture frame! and gibson’s mom got me a sewing machine!!!! i bought gibson the Rayman Raving Rabbids game in hopes that he would get a Wii soon. that afternoon/night we went to gibson’s uncle’s in escondido and celebrated with their family.

and today…. was that magic day… the joy of the Wii has begun. but there’s only 1 friend of mine who i knew would appreciate it…

Allow me to hop on my soapbox for just a minute of your time. I received an email today that was a typical “you aren’t patriotic if you don’t support the war” email. After reading it through and thinking about my reaction, I sent the following response:

I think that email could have been much more touching if it wasn’t so vehemently against those who don’t support the war. I am constantly infuriated by that lack of misunderstanding and oversized nationalistic mentality that is plaguing our nation. I do not support the war in Iraq, but I support our troops full-heartedly. Our men are dying and the war between Sunni’s and Shiites in the Middle East will go on forever without our interference. I support our troops, I want them home safe with their families and their loved ones. As the daughter of a Navy Veteran who served this country for 20 years, I can assure you I support our men and women who do what I could not do.

While I was home in Virginia for the holidays, Gibson, my family, and I went to Arlington Cemetery to visit his grandfather’s grave. I cannot begin to describe the emotions I felt when I walked past row after row after row of fresh graves of the young men killed in “Operation Iraqi Freedom.” I saw families weeping and families relating with other families who had also lost someone they loved. There were pictures, letters, and tokes of love from children, loved ones, and parents. Still, the most disturbing was that the majority of the men buried there were near or exactly my age….

I may be optimistic, but I continue to pray for a world where war doesn’t exist.

As the holidays are upon us, I ask that you pray with me….

i sit at my desk and plug away numbers and i think all of our glorious blunders. our mankind accomplishments are succinct. spend 40 hours in an environment stripped of the Environment and spend 40 hours stripping the Environment. i’m not a hippy, but i’d hug a tree if it asked and if the world sheds more tears, i’d find myself masked in sorrow today and tomorrow. mother natures’ calling on the telephone, says father time has Alzheimer’s and they’ve locked him away and i pray, and i pray.

as always, i find myself inspired when listening to the whimsical qualities of joanna newsom. she is so beautiful and her harp playing inevitably draws me in and takes me into a different realm of consciousness. i can’t wait for her to play a west coast tour. her new album “Ys” (you pronounce it “ees”) was released november 14th, but i am too broke to buy it.

milky moon is a dedicated fan’s website that’s worth checking out.

and last but, certainly not least. today is World AIDS Day and my mind has been swirling with thoughts of how many people are suffering day in and day out with a disease that is sweeping throughout the world like a plague. as americans, i think that we are quick to ignore the pressing nature of this pandemic. heterosexuals, even those who are educated, tend to protect themselves with the notion that it is a disease that primarily affects gay men. for me, my greatest concern is the affects of HIV/AIDS on the African continent. please check out the link below for more information:

• Avert is a GREAT website to start with. get info. on the disease itself, populations affected, and how you can help!